Tangents all over the place

Here's a picture from a retreat I went to a few weeks ago. It was amazing. Not many people went. I only knew one or two people well that went, but I got to know the few people that did go much better. I also got to know several of the seniors well which is kind of bittersweet becuase they are great guys, but they are leaving at the end of this semester. One of them especially who feels and acts like a brother. I will miss him next year. But the retreat was good and I feel like I learned a lot and got reconnected with God.
Well, on a different note, my grandma is dying. I knew she wasn't doing well, but I didn't realize the prognosis was less than 6 months. So that has been hard to deal with. But other than that my break has been nice and laid back. I should be working on other homework...but I'm not. : D I'm just being a general bum. It's great. I am not really sure how to deal with my grandma. I've never known that someone near to me is going to die. I mean, when my granddaddy died, it was rather sudden and I didn't know him that well so it really didn't affect me that much. And then when Alicia died, it was also sudden and totally caught all of us off guard. So I'm not really sure how to deal with this. At this point I just want to go back to school, to the routine that I know so that I can escape this and not have to deal with it. But that's not the way to get through it, as I know from past experience. I know that will just make me...well, I don't know what it will make me, but I do know that it will just ferment and grow bigger. I know that when I am hurt, purposefully or at least, not unintentionally, I get bitter from not dealing with it. But I'm not sure how this will turn out. But because of this past summer, I know that I need to deal with it rather than pushing it away and ignoring it for almost 10 years.
The moon is rising out the left hand corner of my window. It is yellowish and could almost be mistaken for cheese. : ) Only God knows how to touch my heart so well and when it is so hidden away. For all those years, he was slowly getting to my heart, until he finally smacked me ove the head with His incredible extravagant love this summer. I know that "whacked me over the head" isn't very romantic a phrase, but that's really what it was like. Or maybe it was more like a flood. Only not a bad one... Now I am getting too technical... But, ya know, He knows how to get to us. I remind myself of Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when he turned into a dragon. He couldn't change himself back. Aslan had to use his claws to help him change back to a boy. He had to make it hurt first before he could be rid of the dragon skin (sinfulness). That's how He had to rid me of my bitterness. He had to break my heart before He could heal me. But that's another story for another time... And I'm probably talking to thin air here just like at all my other "blogs". Hehe. Oh, well. This helps me process my thoughts. But if you have stumbled upon this, welcome. It is mostly just stream of consciousness and probably not all that inspired or wisedom-filled, just the thoughts of a young woman learning to love God. Welcome and stay as long as you'd like.