Thoughts...

Napping in the car always make me quiet and thoughtful. The quiet part isn't that surprising, well, not if you knew me before college... I have been thinking about how I have been yearning after God. I have this thirst that doesn't seem to be quenched. I have a longing to follow His will completely and yet myself still gets in the way. I don't know how to get past myself and look straight through to Him. I have been reading Acts and it talks about the Holy Spirit a lot. Today I read Acts 8: 9-25 and it talks about how the people in Samaria had been baptized but had not received the Holy Spirit so the disciples came to pray for them to receive the Holy Spirit. I have heard before that when we get baptized we receive the Holy Spirit, but here it says that they, at least, did not receive the Holy Spirit automatically. They had to be prayed for by the disciples. I would like to follow God's will and yet, like Derek Webb says, "I am so easily satisfied by the call of lovers so less wild." Except those "lovers" never satisfy and we are left feeling even more empty and alone than before. How can my longing after the Lover of my soul and my actual lifestyle differ so drastically? Am I doing something wrong or am I not doing something? What could it be? Perhaps it is because I don't really know how to translate longings into actions or even words. But I rest in the knowledge that Jesus is still seeking after me and loves me more than I can imagine. "'Cause money cannot buy a husband's jealous eye when you have knowingly deceived his wife." Maybe I still have trouble accepting God's love for me, although it doesn't seem like it to me... He leaves me speechless, overwhelmed by His amazing love for me. I should be like that all the time but I forget so easily what He sacrificed for me. I think I should "practice the presence of God" better and more often. I don't do it as much as I should or would like. But it is late and I am sleepy so you aren't going to get much more coherent stuff out of me...