Lots of stuff...

So, I talked with my brother and mom over the break and came up with 3 specific things that were reasonable to ask of my roommate and then once we got back to school I talked to her about it.

So far, it's gone pretty well. There are still a lot of people in my room a lot of the time, but it's not as bad as it was last semester and they've been leaving at the agreed time and everything. So, it's much better. I just need to learn to go study elsewhere. I'll be away from all the noise and I might actually get some work done...

So, today my best friend left for Prague. She's studying abroad there this semester. You can see her blog here. I'm hoping and praying that it will be a wonderful experience for her and that she grows closer to God through this. : )

My depression seems to be better. I have less bad days. I feel pretty disconnected from God right now. I'm not really sure why. But I know that feelings can lie and I know that God is with me no matter what.
"Where can I go from you Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast."
~Psalm 139:7-10

I noticed that it says "even there your hand will guide me." Not, 'even there you will be with me' but he'll be there guiding me.

The more I read of scripture, the more I see that I have nothing to fear. I grew up fearing a lot of stuff and worrying a lot, but reading scripture, I see that God wants to free us from all fear and worry. "Perfect love drives out all fear." I would say that worry is a product of fear.

And yet, I always find myself falling back into a life of fear and worry. Perhaps it is because I have not accepted God's perfect love for me. Uh, delete that 'perhaps'. I'm sure other people struggle with accepting God's love for them. I'm not the only one who grew up in a broken home, but the nice thing, is just because I can't accept God's love for me does not mean that it does not exist. Thank God. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully accept it, I guess that's part of being human, but between here and heaven, I'll work on accepting it as well as I can.