God is bigger

InterVarsity was good tonight. Hard, but good. We sang "My Glorious", which was a song that Jason loved. One of the lines is, "God is bigger than the air I breathe, than this world we'll leave." As we sang it the first time, suddenly I had this horrible huge doubt that God isn't bigger than this world. It only lasted for a moment, but it was hard to sing the rest of the song. I asked God if he is bigger, several times...I don't know if he answered me, but I was able to continue singing the song.

But then when Scott got up to talk, he talked about how we all wonder if God is indeed big enough for us. He didn't condemn us for thinking God is so small, instead he talked about how the Colossians were having the same trouble. All they knew was collapsing. Their city was in decline and their church leaders were in jail. Scott talked about how Jesus was and is bigger.

He also talked about how Jason struggled with knowing that God was big enough. This is going to sound weird, but for some reason I've felt some sort of connection with Jason. Even though I never really knew him. I had seen him helping lead worship before and I might have said hi to him before, but I really didn't know him. But for some reason, I've felt like there is some sort of connection. I've wondered if he has something to tell me or if God has something to tell me through him. One night I was walking back from something and a guy rode by on his bike and for a split second I thought it was Jason. I can't describe what my stomach did... It was the weirdest feeling. But maybe that message tonight was what he needed to tell me. Also, James told me that he was a closet fan too. Not of Duke, but of Kentucky. But still.

But I don't know if that message was what it was that he has to tell me. I know it sounds weird... Don't ask me why I feel like he has something to tell me, I wouldn't be able to explain it. Perhaps it is just me being weird, but I don't know. It's just weird, because I didn't feel this way at all with Alicia, and I knew her better. I don't really understand it. I'm just putting it out there because I don't know what else to do with it, I guess. I don't know how my friends would react to it. Friends...that's a completely different issue, too... One I don't have time to get into tonight, another time though.