Depression or just self pity?

So, it seems like depression is pretty common in college. I mean, I've been told that before, but hearing it from people I respect and look up to makes it more real. This semester I've been wondering off and on if I was depressed. Just so much happened at the start of the semester.

I went straight from camp to school, so I started out school tired. Camp was great and I loved it there, it was just extremely exhausting.

Then my grandma is always getting a little worse and it's hard to see her like that. It's just, I knew her when she was up and moving around and making meals and at her old house in Raleigh and now all she can do is sit in the wheelchair or lay in her bed. On some days she doesn't even know who I am. And I know it's not her fault, but it hurts.

And my best friend at here at school got a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, he's a great amazing guy and I'm happy for her. I'm just sad in a selfish kind of way. Because it means that I don't get to spend as much time with her as before and I can't really talk to her about guys and how they never like me. I mean, I can, but it's not the same. She can't commiserate with me anymore. She has an amazing guy. Plus she's been asked out before and she's an amazing person. She doesn't know what it's like to have never been on a date...but that's another story...I won't bore you (whoever happens upon this blog...) with that whole "this is me griping" rant.

But, back to my other complaining rant. Also, another close friend is studying abroad this semester and I miss her a lot. I can still talk to her online, but it's not the same as having her right down the road.

Also, this year I have discovered the "cool group" of InterVarsity. Now, in high school, the cool group didn't bother me. I didn't want to be part of that group. I wanted nothing to do with them. But here...suddenly it has become another story and I don't know why. But I know I cannot be part of the cool group. They tolerate me and are nice but don't really want to talk to me. In high school, I didn't care if they didn't want to talk to me. But now I do care and now I've become bitter about it. After being free of bitterness for a while, I don't want to go back to being bitter. I have spent too many of my years here being bitter, I don't want to spend any more time being bitter.

Also, it doesn't help when you like someone who won't ever like you and someone else likes you and you won't ever like them... I don't think I'm going to go into details as probably the only people who will actually read this would be people who are or were in IV at one point and the guy I like is in IV.

So, in conclusion, there are a lot of factors contributing to my depression, which I finally recognized as such, thanks to the seniors who spoke at Chapter Retreat and thanks mostly to God who spoke through them to show me that He's taking care of me. (See Isaiah 43:1-3) I would share more, but it is late and I am tired and I have to drive an hour and a half to see a friend from camp tomorrow, so I am going to hit the hay. I'm sorry to all of you who actually read this whole thing... I feel like it was pretty self centered...but thank you!