Stuck between worlds

Gah. I can't sleep. I am not really sure why. I guess it's because I'm stuck between three different worlds and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it all. I'm not at camp any more, I'm not at school, and I'm not in London. I'm done with camp, but it still occupies a lot of my thoughts. It feels weird to be at home while all of my friends are at school, studying and taking tests and things without me. I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like in London. So there are three worlds, two which I am supposed to be a part of and one which I will be a part of soon. But right now I am stuck between them all. The thought of going to London by myself is increasingly scary as the time draws near. I am realizing more and more how little I actually know... I suppose it is good to know what you don't know...

I think part of this sudden uncertainty and fear is because I haven't been spending time with my Daddy recently. The last two weeks of camp, I didn't really have a specific time set aside solely for God. When I don't set aside a specific time, then it doesn't happen. I don't like that it has to be that way, but then, spending time with your best friend is not alway spontaneous "let's get together today and do something!" times. So, I need to start spending regular time with my Daddy. Plus, when it's regular, it becomes sacred. It is a special time, set aside for just us, which is why I find myself doing it in the early morning when all the other college students are still fast asleep.

On a completely different note, I wish I could completely stop liking guys. It just complicates life and creates hurt and longing. I wish I could learn to be content with being single. I mean, being in a relationship was fun, but being single is a lot simpler. But I learned a lot from my first relationship. Trust actions over words. Always. And trust God, for heaven's sake. He knows better than you. And, no, you can't knowingly sin and still be close to God, you dumb head (This is directed at me, I wouldn't insult ya'll.). It seems obvious, but I was definitely trying. When God tells you not to do something, it's a good idea not to do it, since, you know, He's the God of the universe and all... That seems obvious, but when it's something you really want to do, it's sadly easy to dismiss God's voice. Thankfully His love doesn't run out and He never withholds it. I've run out of things to say...well, not really, but my brain has shut down enough that I don't think much of what I say will be very coherent, so I am going to go and try to get some rest before tomorrow... Agenda tomorrow: spend time with God and start getting ready for London... (that last one scares me...)