Me, a camp counselor??

So, Julie convinced me to apply to be a camp counselor at CCR. I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean, I've thought a lot about it since she told me she was applying and I actually forgot she was going to be a counselor there.... (ashamed friend face..) But I saw the ad on the University Career Services website and thought, "Hmm..that might be a cool job." I went to the site and saw that I could be a counselor and thought, "Uh....I'm not so sure about this," and went on to look at other sites. Then today, when Julie came she started talking about how she thought CCR was the place we had gone for a day our Junior year in Environmental Science. We went to the site and I remembered that I had considered working there for a split second. She encouraged me to apply so I am applying... We talked a lot about it today and I have realized that I have a lot more experience with children than I thought at first. I have worked in Vacation Bible School for about 8 years straight and now I am working with the middle school youth group at my church and I have been babysitting since who knows when. But I am still apprehensive. So much about the whole thing is waay out of my comfort zone. But God never said that following Him would let us stay in our little comfort zone bubbles. Perhaps He has been preparing me for this with working with the youth group. I don't know. But applying this late in the semester? I wouldn't think that they would have any positions left open. But Julie is going to email the director and see for me. God has the best plan in mind for me. I just need to trust Him and remember all the times that His plan has been so much better than mine. That's why after He rescued the Israelites from something or someone, He made them put a pile of rocks by the place. He knew that they would forget what He had done for them and not trust Him so He made them create a physical reminder of what He had done for them. I try to write down what God has done, how His plan has worked out so much better than mine would have so that I'll remember for times like this when I am not really sure what's going on and need to trust God. I mean, I know we should always be trusting Him, but it is easy to say "I'm trusting Him," when everything is going well. It is a completely different thing to say, "I am trusting Him," when He seems to be gone and nothing is going right or when you are completely out of your depth. But, still, because of those reminders that He is in control and knows what is best for you, better than you do, it is easier to trust Him, even when it seems like He isn't even there. God knows.

"May I never boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world." ~Galatians 6:14

Thoughts...

Napping in the car always make me quiet and thoughtful. The quiet part isn't that surprising, well, not if you knew me before college... I have been thinking about how I have been yearning after God. I have this thirst that doesn't seem to be quenched. I have a longing to follow His will completely and yet myself still gets in the way. I don't know how to get past myself and look straight through to Him. I have been reading Acts and it talks about the Holy Spirit a lot. Today I read Acts 8: 9-25 and it talks about how the people in Samaria had been baptized but had not received the Holy Spirit so the disciples came to pray for them to receive the Holy Spirit. I have heard before that when we get baptized we receive the Holy Spirit, but here it says that they, at least, did not receive the Holy Spirit automatically. They had to be prayed for by the disciples. I would like to follow God's will and yet, like Derek Webb says, "I am so easily satisfied by the call of lovers so less wild." Except those "lovers" never satisfy and we are left feeling even more empty and alone than before. How can my longing after the Lover of my soul and my actual lifestyle differ so drastically? Am I doing something wrong or am I not doing something? What could it be? Perhaps it is because I don't really know how to translate longings into actions or even words. But I rest in the knowledge that Jesus is still seeking after me and loves me more than I can imagine. "'Cause money cannot buy a husband's jealous eye when you have knowingly deceived his wife." Maybe I still have trouble accepting God's love for me, although it doesn't seem like it to me... He leaves me speechless, overwhelmed by His amazing love for me. I should be like that all the time but I forget so easily what He sacrificed for me. I think I should "practice the presence of God" better and more often. I don't do it as much as I should or would like. But it is late and I am sleepy so you aren't going to get much more coherent stuff out of me...

Bila wewe, bwana, siwezi!

We sang a Swahili song in church today. We have sung it before and I have loved it every time. It means "I can do nothing without Christ." That one line has been stuck in my head all day long. It is so true to.

Yesterday I was registering for classes and I kept getting something wrong and the website wouldn't let me register. I was getting so frustrated and so I stopped and turned on some music to calm down. Michael Card's song, "Come to the Table" came on and I started consciously listening to it as I frantically kept trying to register.

As I kept pushing buttons I thought about Christ and I realized that I am not in control. I was trying frantically to be in control; it felt like I had no control over what was happening. But I realized that I am not in control. God is in control and He has the best plan in mind for me. That realization is so freeing. It frees us from worry and from fear. Sometimes I remember that and attempt to stop worrying, but I haven't let myself be freed from fear yet.

But my roommate told me what I was doing wrong with registration and because I realized that God was in control I was able to laugh at myself as I attempted to get into all of my classes. And because of God, I was able to get into all of my classes! : D God is awesome like that!

Stuff like that always reminds me of Gideon's story. When God wanted Gideon to create an army to defeat the Midians and Gideon got several thousand men. Then God used several different tests to narrow it down to 300 men because He didn't want Israel to be able to boast in herself and say that her own strength had saved her. He wanted Israel to be forced to acknowledge that God had saved her. It is amazing! God is willing to go to so much to get us to see how much He loves us! And we are still unfaithful...but He always comes running to welcome us back. Every single time. Praise God!