God is bigger

InterVarsity was good tonight. Hard, but good. We sang "My Glorious", which was a song that Jason loved. One of the lines is, "God is bigger than the air I breathe, than this world we'll leave." As we sang it the first time, suddenly I had this horrible huge doubt that God isn't bigger than this world. It only lasted for a moment, but it was hard to sing the rest of the song. I asked God if he is bigger, several times...I don't know if he answered me, but I was able to continue singing the song.

But then when Scott got up to talk, he talked about how we all wonder if God is indeed big enough for us. He didn't condemn us for thinking God is so small, instead he talked about how the Colossians were having the same trouble. All they knew was collapsing. Their city was in decline and their church leaders were in jail. Scott talked about how Jesus was and is bigger.

He also talked about how Jason struggled with knowing that God was big enough. This is going to sound weird, but for some reason I've felt some sort of connection with Jason. Even though I never really knew him. I had seen him helping lead worship before and I might have said hi to him before, but I really didn't know him. But for some reason, I've felt like there is some sort of connection. I've wondered if he has something to tell me or if God has something to tell me through him. One night I was walking back from something and a guy rode by on his bike and for a split second I thought it was Jason. I can't describe what my stomach did... It was the weirdest feeling. But maybe that message tonight was what he needed to tell me. Also, James told me that he was a closet fan too. Not of Duke, but of Kentucky. But still.

But I don't know if that message was what it was that he has to tell me. I know it sounds weird... Don't ask me why I feel like he has something to tell me, I wouldn't be able to explain it. Perhaps it is just me being weird, but I don't know. It's just weird, because I didn't feel this way at all with Alicia, and I knew her better. I don't really understand it. I'm just putting it out there because I don't know what else to do with it, I guess. I don't know how my friends would react to it. Friends...that's a completely different issue, too... One I don't have time to get into tonight, another time though.

He's gone

So, Jason, one of the men who performed as our mascot, died this morning. It was kind of a shock because I really believed that God was going to perform a miracle. I don't know why he didn't. But I guess he did a long time ago and that miracle is still working. So, in a sense he did.

Jesus died. He was nailed to a cross and after he died, to make sure he was dead, they speared him in the side (that takes on a new, more real meaning after seeing 300). He was dead. But 3 days later, he was alive and walking around. How can that be? We so often forget the miracle that happened that week so long ago. I think for people who grow up in Christian homes, it is harder to see the reality of it because it seems normal. You've always heard it. But from the outside, it sounds crazy. And when you really believe it, wow... A guy died and our God raised him from the dead? I can't think, off the top of my head, of any other gods who had power to raise people from the dead. There are gods who reign the underworld and there are tricks to get people back from the underworld, but no god can just raise a human from the dead like that.

So, yes, Jason's earthly body is dead, but he is alive in Christ. God has freed us from death. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet. I guess I'll find out when I leave this world. But I do know that he is alive in Christ. And I can rest in that knowledge.

Pray for Jason

So, the man who plays our mascot got hit today. He is in InterVarsity with me. I don't really know him that well. I see him a lot and may have talked to him once, I don't know. But for some reason stuff like this always gets to me. I guess since Alicia's death, I have taken death pretty hard. When she died, I started thinking about how many people one person's death impacts. I mean, if I really think about it, his death wouldn't impact my daily life that much. But stuff like this always makes me think *more* about how short and fleeting and fragile life is. I think about it a fair amount since Alicia's death, but stuff like this always makes it come up even more. I know that Jesus' resurrection has freed us from death's chains, but that doesn't make it not hurt. It still hurts for all of us. But I'm getting incoherent and it is way too late to be up. Pray for him and pray without ceasing.